He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize