you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
