I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
