I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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