he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
