i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
