I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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