i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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