Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
