What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
