And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize