Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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