Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
