Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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