I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
