This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
