Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
