Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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