you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
