U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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