i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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