My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
