Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize