I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
