Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
