first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
