He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
