you turned your livingroom into a bong?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
