I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
