respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found puke in my bra..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
