My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
