3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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