you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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