Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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