I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
