It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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