Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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