well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
