Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
