you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
