you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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