Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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