There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize