the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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