drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
