I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
