The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
