Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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