Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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