He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
