I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
