in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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