and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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