You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
