I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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