Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
