Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
