After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
