Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize