alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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