In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
