Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
