what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
