I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
