He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
